Those of you who know me, never see this side of me and always think that the confidence I portray or the smile on my face is real. I’m sorry for involving you Tumblr folk in my life but, Typing helps me get things off my chest. I need room to rant. 

I really hate that I had to lose you to realize how special you were to me even if I wasn’t the same to you. I now realize that through all the chaos that the past month has given me, I honestly have no one there now who gets me or wants to hear what I have to say. My real friends… barely know me for who I am now and in turn, I barely know them. But there is a solid black line dilineating them from me. The hassle of driving to and from and ultimately made my friends at home lose interest and I completely understand. I keep reaching out hands here and there to make what friends I have here that much closer… I’ve been testing them. They are either too involved in their other friends or too emotionally stubborn. I have one best friend now… It really makes me angry and depressed to say it ,but it’s true. I love you to death and you know who you are. Then there are ones like you (You, the one with the wedding plans has seemed to have lost interest in me all together) who I have “put on probation” so to speak.  I want the friends that people have in the cheesy 90’s movies. The ones to go on road trips with, the ones that are going to be your best men at your wedding, the ones you are going to grow old with… Unfortunately, I have been given this life. This is my life and I have to work with what I have.

 If you would have asked me a year ago if this is where i’d be, i’d laugh… I’m not used to this. I hope in time, I will be able to fill the void and replace the pain feel from you, away…It doesn’t help to be kicked when down, or have to have as much as I do on your plate. 

I may just be feeling this way because I am busy… but I don’t know. 

Music is the one thing that gets me through. And no one understands what music has done for me… but that’s an entirely different rant altogether.. 

Goodnight everyone. 

Wishing for brighter days,

-Ken

PS- Excuse the horrible grammar, I am beyond tired. 

#personal  #alone  #escape  



Posted 16th February, 2012

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